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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094626">A secret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMusicalCC/pseuds/TheMusicalCC'>TheMusicalCC</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>xxxHoLic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, Gen, It leans towards WataYuu a bit at the end tho not gonna lie, Mild Blood, Missing Scene, no shippings in this one I don't think, or the one where Watanuki falls down a window by accident as one does, set during chapter 59/60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:07:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMusicalCC/pseuds/TheMusicalCC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuuko promised not to tell Watanuki about Himawari's back. But there was a price.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Someday, someone will ask and Himawari will smile and scrunch up her nose and lie through her teeth saying: ‘I<em>t was a curious feeling.</em>’.</p><p>Truth was- it <em>hurt.</em></p><p>So, so much.</p>
<hr/><p>Doumeki-kun held her hand through it- she had a feeling Yuuko-san would have, hadn’t her mind been elsewhere and quite frankly she was glad, because Yuuko-san’s skin up to her elbows was stained with the blood she had tried to bandage over. Some of it had even ended up reaching her face.</p><p>Watanuki-kun’s blood.</p><p>Himawari doubted if she’d ever be able to stop seeing it spill, or smelling it around her.</p><p>Doumeki-kun had either washed his hands or somehow managed to keep one clean, and it was that one he used to squeeze her fingers with what little strength he had through it all. Himawari had never seen a transfusion but she was sure this wasn’t how it was done in hospitals. He’d bled from wounds that <em> weren’t there </em> almost as though the blood were coming out his pores, until it had, abruptly, stopped and the stains on him started to look as though it wasn’t his blood- in a way, it wasn’t. Not anymore. Then her turn had come.</p><p>Aside the fact that it <em> hurt </em> so much, it <em> was </em> quite the curious feeling. Like something wet and thick making its way across her skin- like a snake, or a worm- eating its way through her flesh, digging a burrow for itself on her back. She felt the weight. She felt them like the world’s biggest splinter once they settled, curled and twisted and rigid in her skin. The hurt dimmed, still there, but distant. Ancient. She let out a long breath and released Doumeki-kun’s hand, covered in sweat from head to toe.</p><p>“It’s done.” Yuuko-san said. She sounded tired “I aged them. You won’t bleed and they won’t hurt as badly, even though they were made today.”. </p><p>“Thank you.” she muttered, touched by the gesture. She had been sure she and Doumeki-kun would scold her for being there, hate her, chase her off, tell her she’d only make everything worse- she deserved it! She’d made this happen!</p><p>“Yuuko!” came Mokona’s little voice from inside and whatever else was there to say had to wait as Yuuko-san seemed to <em> flow </em>, a flurry of fabrics and long black hair, through the hallway at an impossible speed and into the master bedroom. “He’s not breathing!”</p><p>Everything seemed to stop. To crash and collapse. She saw Doumeki-kun straighten, one eye wide open and glossy and his jaw set. <em> Don’t you dare</em>, it took her a moment to realize it was Yuuko-san’s voice. She’d never heard it that breathless or shrill. <em> Don’t you dare! </em></p><p>Then-</p><p>It was as though the house itself had sighed, relieved. Himawari felt her insides unclench and Doumeki-kun’s entire frame sagged next to her, seeming to regain the ability to breathe. She heard Mokona wail (‘<em>Don’t scare me like that, four-eyes!’ </em> ) and soon after, Yuuko-san was stepping onto the hallway again -her steps were so slow Himawari had to wonder if she <em>imagined</em> the speed she had before- and resting her back against the door, head held high. Himawari heard her breathe evenly, as though <em> commanding </em> herself to do it.</p><p>“He’s alright.” she said. Perhaps to them. Perhaps to herself. Something dripped from her face- maybe more blood? But no, the stains on her hands and clothes were dry, so then-? “He turned back just in time- now we wait.”</p><p>Doumeki-kun nodded, shifting his weight and seeming to fall into a light, exhausted sleep... perhaps he'd passed out, actually. Himawari let one hand wander to her shoulder, gently. She’d have much to explain when she got home.</p><p>She’d have much to explain in general.</p><p>“Yuuko-san, if I can ask for one more thing.” she said, strangled. She had no right, she knew, but these were kind people who still hadn’t made her feel unwanted despite knowing what she carried. She would have to wait for Doumeki-kun to wake to ask him as well “Please don’t tell Watanuki-kun… about the scars.”</p><p>Yuuko-san turned to her and she saw a couple of clean, wet trails running through the bloodstains on her face. Right in front of Himawari’s eyes, <em> something </em> dripped, glistening and huge, from her lower lashes and rolled down her face.</p><p>“I promise.” she said “In exchange- don’t tell him you saw <em> this</em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>Someday, some distant April 1st, Watanuki-kun will mention a dream of Doumeki-kun's grandpa, and how they spoke of Yuuko-san in it, and Haruka-san had said '<em>If you truly believe you and her will meet again, then you must not do anything that would make her cry.</em>' and how the sole thought of her crying for his sake hurt enough to make him snap awake immediately; and Himawari will smile and scrunch up her nose and say '<em>Haruka-san is right.</em>'.</p><p>And the scars will feel lighter on her back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whenever I remember Haruka told Watanuki not to make Yuuko cry, I have to wonder if it has happened before.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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